


Confessions

by Sairyn



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Feelings, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marvey Fic Challenges, Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:06:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5973534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sairyn/pseuds/Sairyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mike stumbles across a scribbled on note in Harvey's desk, he is surprised. When he finds a second one year two he is curious. By the time he gets to year five, everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confessions

Mike is working late, not that this is a rare thing, but he was still finishing up some last minute work that Harvey had asked him (yes, asked, though on second thought maybe voluntold is the better word for it). It doesn’t make a difference however it occurred, Mike was working late again despite the fact that it was Valentine’s Day. Not that it mattered. It wasn’t as if he had any special place tonight- despite how much he wishes he did. The recent end of his dry spell had more to do with getting off than anything else. At least that is what he tells himself. But Mike doesn’t want to think about it, or the guilt that has come with his recent late night adventures. His body, though reminds him with every step; he is sore, in a very good way.

Mike sneaks into Harvey’s office, files in hand. He stops at the windows, taking a moment to enjoy the New York skyline after dark, before heading to Harvey’s music collection. Tonight, he thinks, he will work to sounds of Nina Simone. Her voice is just what he is looking for. Mike sits down and grabs his highlighter trying to ignore the bottom drawer; ignore the urge to see if Harvey’s secret stash is still there. Looking through it has been one of Mike’s guilty pleasures for the last five years; although tonight it feels less about pleasure and more about guilt. He glances at the mahogany drawer briefly then firmly decides against it and begins to work. Slowly, he finds his favorite headspace; where words and concepts flow easily like the melody playing in the background. It isn’t until he stops for a bathroom break that he is once again tempted. And this time he can’t resist.

Everyone knows about Mike’s big brain, but he is absolutely positive that they don’t know about some of his  _cough_ , other talents. With the ease of an experienced con man, he pulls out his trusty dusty pick set and easily unlocks the drawer, silently saying thank you to a good friend of his who is supposed to be dead. _But knowing Neal, he is probably off seducing half the women and a few men off in Paris somewhere,_ Mike thinks to himself chuckling. As Mike opens the drawer, he starts to remember all the things he has learned about Harvey over the years; all the secret feelings he has kept locked away on scraps of paper. Before Mike can stop himself, his brain has rewound itself back to the beginning; all the way back to 2011.

*****

Mike remembers the day he was rummaging through Harvey’s desk and came across a note; well more of a scribble. He was looking for a highlighter (seriously, was he the only one that used them?) when he noticed a note stuck to the bottom of the top drawer. Mike couldn’t believe it at first; Harvey was a meticulous clean freak, if not downright anal. A scrawl on post it note shoved in Harvey’s desk with a host of other neatly placed office supplies didn’t make any sense to his brain. And since Mike made it his job to learn all about the man Harvey Specter that first year, he decided to investigate. He unstuck the plain albeit curled at the edge yellow post it note and tried to read the words. Of course being that is was about as legible as a Dr.’s prescription he had to squint to make them out.   

 **Feb. 14th 2011.**  

_Why are you getting to me and how do I make it stop?_

Huh, Mike thought. What the hell did that mean? Over that next year periodically, when he was alone in Harvey’s office he would wait until he had an opportune moment and then causally look for the “forgotten” note. Needless to say he was surprised every time he found it, sure that Harvey would have thrown it away. But even after six months when he came across it “accidentally” he couldn’t believe it; same scrawl, same place.

The following year Mike was once again snooping in Harvey’s desk, just to see of course, if the note was still in the same place, when Harvey came back to pick up a file he forgot.

“Looking for something?” Harvey’s smug voice had asked.

“Just more pens. You do have those don’t you? Or do you not need them since you pawn off all of your work on your minions?”

“Keep your grubby hands off my Mont Blanc’s. You’re like a toddler- everything goes in your mouth and I will not subject my perfect pens to your germs.”

“Whatever. Aren’t you late for something?”

“I mean it kid.” And with that Harvey picked up his file and left. Deciding to not to press his luck, Mike grabbed his work and followed Harvey out. It would be just like the man to come back “to check”. Besides, he could come back and snoop another day Mike rationalized. Two weeks later Mike found the perfect opportunity to look for his miniature pot of gold, only to find it was no longer there. _Surely Harvey wouldn’t have thrown it away_ , he thought; especially not after holding on to it for all this time. That’s when Mike found the locked bottom drawer. He quickly decided to refresh his “alternate” skill set and went back to his desk for a particular set of supplies. After a little fumbling, Mike found the right set. With a twist here and a little pressure there, the drawer sprung free. “Now, if I was Harvey and I wanted to hide something, where would I put it?” Mike wondered out loud to himself.

Mike looked through the pages of a couple of small books tucked away and even a few files that were so old they would probably disintegrate if they were exposed to open air until he found a plain white envelope. Inside he found the sticky note and something else- a napkin; much like the ones from any restaurant. That quickly got his attention. It was wrinkled and creased like someone had crumpled it up to discard it, and then changed their mind. Mike guessed it was from the hot dog cart outside since there was a slight trace of mustard on the edge. Mike could read Harvey’s writing easier by then and smirked to himself as he read the words thinking that whoever had caught Harvey’s attention was steadily moving up in the world.

**Valentine’s Day year 2.**

_You’re still here. I can’t ignore you though I have tried. I don’t want to watch you when you are not looking, don’t want to wonder what you are doing when you are not in front of me. But I do and I…want…_

Mike found himself giggling like a fangirl because he knew something he shouldn’t know; Harvey had a secret crush. At that point, he didn’t even care who it was. The revelation that Harvey was human and had actual feelings somewhere deep inside like the rest of the world, was both surprising and shocking to discover.

The third note came a year later. This one on a legal pad. When he saw this note, Mike felt different, almost sad. Some part of him, was hoping maybe there wouldn’t be another, that maybe Scottie was gone for good. He knew it was Scottie because she seemed to be the one person that could tear Harvey apart and then worm her way back into his heart and bed. Damn that woman. Reluctantly he read the words written in bold script letters.

 **Valentine’s Day, year 3**.

_I think about you, even though I know I shouldn’t. I know that you are not mine, and yet a part of me wishes you were. I even woke with your name on my lips and the desire to have you next to me is driving me mad. I don’t want to feel this way!_

Year four, Mike tried avoiding Harvey’s stash. Valentine’s Day came and went. Winter turned to spring, which led to summer. But by the time Harvey’s name was put on the wall, Mike couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to see if there was another. When he breached the drawer, instead of an envelope he found Harvey’s confessions in a manila folder. Despite his trepidation, Mike pulled out the various scraps of paper until he found the newest. It was written on a piece of carefully folded stationery.

**Valentine’s Day, 2014.**

_My fingers ache to linger on your skin longer than I should. I have tasted you in unconventional ways and each time it leaves me thirsty for more. I crave you. Some moments I fear you will see my desire for you when we speak, and turn away. But so far you haven’t and it makes me wonder do you feel this too? You make me want to be daring and bold. I am no longer ashamed to say I want you._

It was then, that Mike knew this was different- he could feel it. This wasn’t some crush. Harvey had real feelings despite him hiding them behind whatever “flavor of the week” he took home for a night. It made Mike feel sorry for him. Because he knew, just knew those women were just fronts. Because whoever those notes were about, that was who Harvey really wanted to be with and for some reason or another he felt he couldn’t. And despite the jealousy (yes he could admit he was jealous), Mike felt upon reading those words of dare he say love? He still wished that Harvey would take a chance and go after his happy ending.

Last year Mike wandered into Harvey’s office once again trying to figure out where he fit in. On the one hand, he was glad to be back at Pearson Specter Litt, and the other he felt like he was in a dream on the verge of waking. His personal life with Rachel had taken a giant turn towards forever and he and Harvey’s relationship was better than ever. And yet, something still didn’t feel quite right. Whether it was too good to be true or the calm before the storm he couldn’t tell. All he knew was that he craved the solace he felt when he was in Harvey’s office. Of course, as usual, Mike’s curiosity got the better of him. Idly he picked the lock and found the manila folder crumpled and shoved way towards the back. Something had changed Mike surmised. When he found the printed page and read the words, Mike was instantly conflicted.

**Valentine’s Day 2015**

_Fuck, I can’t do this. I have to let you go. You deserve someone better, someone who won’t fuck up your life and complicate it. I refuse to be that person to you. I know now that it is too late for us and I am man enough to walk away._

Mike stared at the paper for a long time, feeling closer to Harvey than ever. It seemed that even within the secrets they kept from each other they were still in sync; both moving in the same direction. Because every word Harvey had typed was everything Mike was feeling and didn't know how to say. On the outside his world appeared great, but on the inside...he was falling apart and Harvey had summed it up perfectly. _How can two people so different be so alike_ he asked himself?

*****

All of these memories play in Mike’s mind as he  desperately tries to quell his fear about what he might find tonight. Maybe with the year they are having, fighting their way to save not only the firm but keeping Mike and by proxy everyone else out of jail, there would be no new note; no new confession. Mike would like to say that is his only reason for feeling that way- but it’s a lie. After working side by side for the last five years, Mike has come to realize he has fallen in love with Harvey, and more recently fallen into his bed. It was due to "stress" they said, nothing more than too many late nights and too many drinks they rationalized after waking up, bodies intertwined. Of course that didn’t stop Mike from wanting, no **craving** more. But Mike knows that just like the women Harvey has brought home over the years, he is nothing more than a substitution for the person Harvey truly loves. The one he confesses his feelings to unrestrained, then locks them away so they will forever be immortalized.

Mike knows he should resist but he can’t, even if it hurts. He rummages through the drawer surprised to find there is no manila folder. In fact the books are also gone. The drawer is completely empty sans one item- A card. He pulls it out, curious only to discover it’s addressed to him. Mike is so surprised he almost falls out of the chair. With a quick intake of breath, he rips the sealed envelope open revealing a red Valentine’s Day card inside.

**Valentine’s Day 2016**

_Mike,_

_I can’t believe after all this time; I can touch you in all the ways I have only dreamed about. How can I tell you that when you are close, shivers run down my spine and my breath catches. I wish I could show you how perfect you are. Tell you that when you are in my arms, and your lips capture mine, I can’t help but let go and succumb to these feelings._

_I love the feel of your body, warm and flush against me, how your eyes, blown wide open with lust, never leave mine as we take each other apart layer by layer. Do you know how you make me feel when I hear your moans echoing in my ears, my name spilling from your lips in surrender? It makes me crazy. I feel helpless and wonderful and vulnerable all at the same time._

_I want to mark you over and over- with my hands, my lips my teeth. I want to show the world you are mine. Can I do that? Will you be mine? That has been my wish since this strange feeling came out of nowhere and surprised me all those years ago._

_I don’t know when you will find this, but I know you will. Just like you have found all the rest of my confessions I wasn’t able to say out loud. When you do… I will be waiting; waiting for you to choose. Never mention this and we both go on pretending it never happened. But if by chance you want this, want me the way I want you… you know where to find me. I will be where I have always been….waiting for you._

_P.S. And Rookie, don’t think we aren’t going to have a conversation about your lock picking skills._

_H~_

Mike is up and out of Harvey’s office before his brain can truly interpret everything he has read. Of course it doesn’t matter. There is only one place he wants to be- and that’s in the arms of the man he loves.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and a special thank you to Maxi for being another set of eyes! For Marvey fic Challenge- Valentines Day. Find me on tumblr@sairyn-noc


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